By Guest Reviewer: GBibby
There are no unattractive women in Ted. Even though the viewer is asked to suspend logic enough to believe in the concept of a boy’s favourite teddy bear magically coming to life, perhaps the greatest leap of faith demanded of the audience is to imagine that every woman is a slender smoking hot babe in a country that has an obesity level of 35%.
Just as Ted blinds itself to the physical decline of the United States and western civilisation, it also blindingly highlights the west’s cultural decline inherent in every single scene. Ted is the product of a society where nothing is sacred, everything is to be mocked, and the post-modern liberal geniuses of today can point and laugh at the excesses of past. The creator, Seth MacFarlane, has already established himself with the cartoon Family Guy as a name in humour based on sneering references to the 1980s and irreverent swipes at anything people not as clever or post-modern as Seth may hold dear. The entire movie continues in the same vein of Family Guy and seems to be have been written by a group of smug and self-congratulating East Coast liberals: high-fiving at every retro-reference that can be pointed to and laughed at. Did you really find Flash Gordon a fun film in 1980? Then you deserve to be mocked as the idiot you obviously were. Do you find a reference to Star Wars more funny than character based humour that adds to the overall development of the plot? Then this is the film for you.
Unlike many of those 1980s films that Ted machine-gun references, Ted contains no real heart and no actual substance. For those that don’t know, the plot consists of a boy whose childhood dream of his teddy bear coming to life becomes reality, and it continues into adulthood where the relationship between the now grown-up boy and his bear threatens to get in the way of the relationship between the now grown-up boy and his boring, ever-whining girlfriend. With hilarious consequences! I could go on, but really, what’s the point? Seth MacFarlane couldn’t be bothered to write a decent film and instead just cobbled together a truck-load of 1980s references, so why shouldn’t I do the same? Raiders of the Lost Ark, Rubik’s Cubes, Knight Rider, Cheers, Teddy Ruxpin, Superman 2, Top Gun, I Think We’re Alone Now and the Cabbage Patch Kids. Three Stars out of Ten and I’m deducting a point because Seth MacFarlane recycled his Peter Griffin voice for the voice of Ted AND still made some smug meta-reference to it instead of just admitting that he’s a fat, smug arsehole. But then again, there are no fat people in Ted, so why would he?*
*Actually, there is one fat person in Ted: a chubby boy who serves as the film’s antagonist. I’m surprised that Seth didn’t make him black and call him Fat Albert, but perhaps he’d already reached his 80s reference quota.
By IamJoyceee: Thanks OMY.SG for the invite. 🙂